Eating Disorders
Peace.
I have noticed some things on the various and sundry fitness websites that I frequent. Black women have different bodies than white women. Now that may not seem like rocket science to you because it isn’t. When white women loose weight, their goal is to look like a stick figure. Black women don’t look like that even if they develop an eating disorder.
I know because I developed an eating disorder when I was 14 and no one who lived in my home noticed. My gym teacher and my orthodontist noticed. And even when they both at different times confronted my mother, she didn’t believe them. The gym teacher got in contact with my father (my 2 stepsisters and I attended the same high school) he was the one who took steps to see that I began to eat again. To this day, my mother doesn’t believe that I ever had a problem. Her reasoning was I didn’t appear to be overly thin. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t thin. But I lost my period, was sleeping way too much, vomiting because I was bulimic and sneaking laxatives for when I had to eat publicly. My mother actually thought I was pregnant.
It’s crazy to me how vibrant the memory is. It started in the summer between 9th and 10th grade. I would obtain a bag of bacon and cheddar ‘Tato skins. And eat 1 chip only when I thought I was going to throw up if I didn’t. I had a summer job at my Dad’s firm so my mother wasn’t looking at me all day long. Daddy wasn’t hardly ever there. I just kept myself busy and didn’t think about eating and the desire eventually left. I think that’s how I can so restrict my diet now, I learned back then. It carried into school. I wasn’t doing as well as my teachers thought I should be doing. I was an honors student in high school. They pay close attention to grades. I wasn’t participating on any of the activities I did the year before. I had no zest. And if you know me… I’m zesty. I just felt sick and weak all the time.
The dentist made a big deal about how my clothes were all so loose that I looked like a hobo. I went to Catholic school and didn’t have a lot of non-school clothes, so I probably wore the same thing over and over to the dentist. I had only 2 church dresses… all of which were getting saggy. We weren’t poor... far from it. My mother grew up poor and was chincy with a dollar. My mother was happy that she didn’t have to buy anything new since my clothes were baggy instead of tight. Church people started commenting about the dark circles under my eyes and how my hair was falling out. They said I didn’t look summer healthy. All of this went over my mother’s head. And the bottom line in a lot of Black people’s minds is that Black people don’t get anorexia or bulimia.
I don’t blame my mother in whole. This was a problem I had. I think I might have been better at recognizing the problem if I had actually gotten as rail thin as the people on tv. I had seen the after school specials. I didn’t look like any of those girls. I still had boobs and I still had hips, no matter how big or small I have ever been. Because Black girls lose weight differently than white girls.
I passed out in school. Instead of calling my mother, who had demonstrated that she wasn’t going to leave work early, they called my dad instead. He took me to the doctor and conferred with them about anorexia. I finally admitted, with quite a bit of pride that I had been starving myself. The doctor said I needed a counselor. All of a sudden all this crazy attention enveloped me. Daddy was taking me to McDonalds all the time (I wasn’t raised in a time when fast food was regular. It was a treat) and everybody around me was handing me candy bars and anything to make me eat. My mother said nothing. One day on the way home from church, she said that I could stand to loose another 10 pounds before I gave up on the eating disorder. She said that I could start from a thin place before gaining back all the weight that would come from regular eating.
I feel like I have to say my mother isn’t the monster that it sounds like. Oh she could be a terror, but I give her a pass on this because she really didn’t know. And since I didn’t look like a stick figure… because that’s not how Black girls loose weight… she just couldn’t see it.
Be mindful that eating disorders have no respect of person. Black, white, male, female, young old, anyone could develop a disorder.
Peace.
I have noticed some things on the various and sundry fitness websites that I frequent. Black women have different bodies than white women. Now that may not seem like rocket science to you because it isn’t. When white women loose weight, their goal is to look like a stick figure. Black women don’t look like that even if they develop an eating disorder.
I know because I developed an eating disorder when I was 14 and no one who lived in my home noticed. My gym teacher and my orthodontist noticed. And even when they both at different times confronted my mother, she didn’t believe them. The gym teacher got in contact with my father (my 2 stepsisters and I attended the same high school) he was the one who took steps to see that I began to eat again. To this day, my mother doesn’t believe that I ever had a problem. Her reasoning was I didn’t appear to be overly thin. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t thin. But I lost my period, was sleeping way too much, vomiting because I was bulimic and sneaking laxatives for when I had to eat publicly. My mother actually thought I was pregnant.
It’s crazy to me how vibrant the memory is. It started in the summer between 9th and 10th grade. I would obtain a bag of bacon and cheddar ‘Tato skins. And eat 1 chip only when I thought I was going to throw up if I didn’t. I had a summer job at my Dad’s firm so my mother wasn’t looking at me all day long. Daddy wasn’t hardly ever there. I just kept myself busy and didn’t think about eating and the desire eventually left. I think that’s how I can so restrict my diet now, I learned back then. It carried into school. I wasn’t doing as well as my teachers thought I should be doing. I was an honors student in high school. They pay close attention to grades. I wasn’t participating on any of the activities I did the year before. I had no zest. And if you know me… I’m zesty. I just felt sick and weak all the time.
The dentist made a big deal about how my clothes were all so loose that I looked like a hobo. I went to Catholic school and didn’t have a lot of non-school clothes, so I probably wore the same thing over and over to the dentist. I had only 2 church dresses… all of which were getting saggy. We weren’t poor... far from it. My mother grew up poor and was chincy with a dollar. My mother was happy that she didn’t have to buy anything new since my clothes were baggy instead of tight. Church people started commenting about the dark circles under my eyes and how my hair was falling out. They said I didn’t look summer healthy. All of this went over my mother’s head. And the bottom line in a lot of Black people’s minds is that Black people don’t get anorexia or bulimia.
I don’t blame my mother in whole. This was a problem I had. I think I might have been better at recognizing the problem if I had actually gotten as rail thin as the people on tv. I had seen the after school specials. I didn’t look like any of those girls. I still had boobs and I still had hips, no matter how big or small I have ever been. Because Black girls lose weight differently than white girls.
I passed out in school. Instead of calling my mother, who had demonstrated that she wasn’t going to leave work early, they called my dad instead. He took me to the doctor and conferred with them about anorexia. I finally admitted, with quite a bit of pride that I had been starving myself. The doctor said I needed a counselor. All of a sudden all this crazy attention enveloped me. Daddy was taking me to McDonalds all the time (I wasn’t raised in a time when fast food was regular. It was a treat) and everybody around me was handing me candy bars and anything to make me eat. My mother said nothing. One day on the way home from church, she said that I could stand to loose another 10 pounds before I gave up on the eating disorder. She said that I could start from a thin place before gaining back all the weight that would come from regular eating.
I feel like I have to say my mother isn’t the monster that it sounds like. Oh she could be a terror, but I give her a pass on this because she really didn’t know. And since I didn’t look like a stick figure… because that’s not how Black girls loose weight… she just couldn’t see it.
Be mindful that eating disorders have no respect of person. Black, white, male, female, young old, anyone could develop a disorder.
Peace.
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