Within/Without

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2010 was to not pay attention to my weight this year. Meaning…. No dieting for the entire year. Embracing the 6 sextillion tons that is the Earth Serenity. On face value that may seem like an easy goal; but I work my diets like part time jobs. And still I am not the weight the weight I’d like to be. Or at least think I would like to be. Frankly, at this juncture, I have no idea what weight I should be. And I know all that constant on and off dieting that I have done since I was 14 has screwed up my metabolism royally. So…. I have decided to be bold and grown enough to through off the shackles of ideal weight and just focus on health. Okay… Protocol having been established…. How is it working out for me? You would think I would happy as a pig in shit. I’m not. I have been paralyzed with fear and loathing since the beginning of the year. The last time I threw off all dieting shackles I gained so much weight and so quickly that when I got marr...

Every year I say that I should lose weight. I put in the work until the scale stops moving. Once that happens I'm back to my old ways. Which really aren't all that bad with the exception of I really prefer snacks over meals, and i like ramen noodles a little too much. Well this year is going to be different. This year I'm not going to make those promises. This year, the only weight-related promise I am going to make is that I am going to fast from diets. The inspiration comes from the shopping fast I went on starting September of 2008. I never thought that I could refrain from shopping for a year but I did. (Come to think of it, that's when my skin problems started a fresh. Hmmmmm...)I learned a lot about Serenity and why I obsessively shopped like I did. I really punish myself behind my weight and always always feel mad guilty. Doing something about it is easier said than done. I don't eat a lot. I fast a lot. I don't exercise and I am almost 100% vegan. I real...