Hedonism or Bust

Peace.

I have been feeling some kind of way of late. I had a vertigo episode and it completely dropped me on my ass. I had aftershocks for about 2 weeks afterward. It totally stopped my May eating challenge. And that and some other things got me thinking… Why do I even bother???

I was reading an article that said smoothie/juice consumption is dangerous. I have also been inundated with articles and testimonies of the dangers of raw food veganism. Even vegetarianism has been deemed and “unhealthy trend.” The juice articles go on to say…. juicing methods remove the produce's fiber, drinking juice omits one of the key benefits of eating fruit, while delivering huge amounts of sugar and calories. It was also mentioned that it could actually cause crystal/stone formation! My vertigo could be a result of crystals in my ear apparatus. I’m not saying that I buy into this but damn….. I am striving to develop healthy habits so that I can maintain vitality into my later years without developing chronic illnesses. I want to be that old lady that looks decades younger than her chronologic age and I want to still pull young men after the God has gotten too old to do his duty!

But if my efforts are going to just result in new and different issues developing….. I’m gonna enjoy this end of things. Plenty of what I do is unpleasant. The supplements have side effect of fluorescent urine, increased hunger and the occasionally itchy bowel movements. The juicing requires substantial clean up and prep, is causing an outbreak of fruit flies in my kitchen and because it’s so fresh, it has to be consumed in a timely fashion. Fasting is just horrible. I am ridiculously hungry for the entire time I do it. Exercise is inconvenient, it hurts and I really don’t have time for it. I force myself to exercise sometimes at dangerous times and locales just to get it in. Even being a vegetarian is weighing on me. I want to go to KFC and just do major damage on all the chicken they make… but I don’t. I have accepted that a bit of discomfort on this end will aid I me in years to come. But….

I’m unhappy. Clean living has to be more than it’s own reward. Living in debauchery is downright fun and entertaining and I wonder why I work so hard to “be good.” My lifestyle hasn’t made me thin. It hasn’t fix climate change and small animals don’t come to the door and thank me for not consuming them and their brethren. I’m not pregnant. The fibroids came back. When I go out I have to research menus and possible bring my own food to folks homes who will then ridicule my diet and tell me that they could be a vegetarian. IJS.

So now what…. IDK…. All I know how to do is what I’ve been doing. If I was going to make changes towards hedonism I have no clue what to do, because I have been living like this for so long. It’s crazy. But the other option is the “everything in moderation” mindset. But there are some things I don’t/won’t do. How can I find my happy moderation place? If I start eating meat again… I won’t stop. But one of the main reasons I stopped was to curb fibroid development. Clearly in my case meat consumption is not the cause.

So now what? I’m serious…. NOW WHAT?????



Peace

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Backsliding on Home

All right, all right….. I know I’m prolly setting myself up for failure. Especially since I’m about to go to Show & Prove; and y’all know how it’s done on vacation… But… I think…. I am going to get back on the “raw food” bandwagon. Two reasons. 1st reason: I feel guilty every time I put non-raw food in my mouth. And I try to rationalize it all out by eating a salad with it. Imagine how it all looks, BK (just an example. I don’t do fast food on the reg) veggie burger with cheese and all the fixins, onion rings (cause I only eat McDonald’s fries) a vanilla shake and a side salad. I rationalized that the fixins and the salad are raw and therefore count toward my goal of ‘high raw’. NOT. 2nd reason: And most importantly…. This morning I put on a dress that I couldn’t wear last summer. The dress was so tight I felt like a sausage in it. I almost gave it to Goodwill. But I wanted to wear a sweater today that I rigged last night and this dress was a good fit. I expected to have to wear al...
Read more

"I Itch"

I have eczema. I have had it since I was a small child. My mother reports I’ve been spotted since infancy. I remember getting in trouble on purpose just to get the beating that would satisfy the itching for a minute. That weirded my Ole Earth out. I remember one of my godmothers used to slather me with bacon grease. She swore that that would calm the lesions. It did to some degree. But the dog became very friendly afterward. I still have outbreaks. Most of the time it’s a small outbreak. 80% of the time it occurs only on my arms, legs, and back. But it can pop out anywhere. Don’t sleep on adult eczema. It can get really bad, disfiguring and incredibly painful. I put it, mostly, on the weather. I usually have outbreaks in the winter or if I go somewhere and the weather is distinctly colder than my regular climate. I ALWAYS get something in the winter time. Whether it be light patches just where my bra strap rubs against my skin or all over my body. It feels like little need...
Read more

Skirting the Issue

I put on a skirt this morning. That’s not impressive. I put on a skirt every morning. I don’t generally where pants outdoors. I pulled this skirt out of the dryer. Guess what? It is loose. Real loose. I am happy dancing. You gotta be mindful of the history of the skirt. This garment began its life as pants about 5 years ago. Back then I was still wearing pants. When I decided to cease my slacks wearing ways and actions, I did not want to incur the expense of having to replace garments that I wore on the regular. It made perfect sense, since I sew, to convert pants to skirts. That’s what I did with the skirt I’m currently wearing. The trick is the skirt will be a pencil skirt if you don’t have material to add. And who does? Also my skirts have to be long. (3/4) So I have these fitted pencil skirts that used to be pants hanging in my closet. They serve the same function that they did when they were pants. Maybe I’ll blog about why I don’t wear pants later. I said all that to...
Read more