Hedonism or Bust

Peace.

I have been feeling some kind of way of late. I had a vertigo episode and it completely dropped me on my ass. I had aftershocks for about 2 weeks afterward. It totally stopped my May eating challenge. And that and some other things got me thinking… Why do I even bother???

I was reading an article that said smoothie/juice consumption is dangerous. I have also been inundated with articles and testimonies of the dangers of raw food veganism. Even vegetarianism has been deemed and “unhealthy trend.” The juice articles go on to say…. juicing methods remove the produce's fiber, drinking juice omits one of the key benefits of eating fruit, while delivering huge amounts of sugar and calories. It was also mentioned that it could actually cause crystal/stone formation! My vertigo could be a result of crystals in my ear apparatus. I’m not saying that I buy into this but damn….. I am striving to develop healthy habits so that I can maintain vitality into my later years without developing chronic illnesses. I want to be that old lady that looks decades younger than her chronologic age and I want to still pull young men after the God has gotten too old to do his duty!

But if my efforts are going to just result in new and different issues developing….. I’m gonna enjoy this end of things. Plenty of what I do is unpleasant. The supplements have side effect of fluorescent urine, increased hunger and the occasionally itchy bowel movements. The juicing requires substantial clean up and prep, is causing an outbreak of fruit flies in my kitchen and because it’s so fresh, it has to be consumed in a timely fashion. Fasting is just horrible. I am ridiculously hungry for the entire time I do it. Exercise is inconvenient, it hurts and I really don’t have time for it. I force myself to exercise sometimes at dangerous times and locales just to get it in. Even being a vegetarian is weighing on me. I want to go to KFC and just do major damage on all the chicken they make… but I don’t. I have accepted that a bit of discomfort on this end will aid I me in years to come. But….

I’m unhappy. Clean living has to be more than it’s own reward. Living in debauchery is downright fun and entertaining and I wonder why I work so hard to “be good.” My lifestyle hasn’t made me thin. It hasn’t fix climate change and small animals don’t come to the door and thank me for not consuming them and their brethren. I’m not pregnant. The fibroids came back. When I go out I have to research menus and possible bring my own food to folks homes who will then ridicule my diet and tell me that they could be a vegetarian. IJS.

So now what…. IDK…. All I know how to do is what I’ve been doing. If I was going to make changes towards hedonism I have no clue what to do, because I have been living like this for so long. It’s crazy. But the other option is the “everything in moderation” mindset. But there are some things I don’t/won’t do. How can I find my happy moderation place? If I start eating meat again… I won’t stop. But one of the main reasons I stopped was to curb fibroid development. Clearly in my case meat consumption is not the cause.

So now what? I’m serious…. NOW WHAT?????



Peace

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