Shark Week....

Peace.

Yes I’m in crux of a hormone imbalance. Yes I can be salty and sweet. No, you don’t get to say anything about it! This chick came into my office yesterday and decide to judge what I was eating. I had a bag of Limon chips, a Twix and a Coke on my desk. A perfect PMS trinity. She got a bit and then realized where she erred and apologized. This post is dedicated to her and all the other people who caught an elbow for misspeaking....

I’m a woman still of childbearing age. Monthly… and still pretty damn regularly… I experience a 5 day shedding of my uterine lining. SO THE FUCK WHAT! I’m not ashamed. Why should I be? Most women experience the same shedding that I do. That’s a rite of passage in a human female’s life that marks her entry into the Woman’s Cipher. It is nothing to be ashamed of or feared.

When I first got my period, like many young girls, I was unaware and unprepared. Your first cycle is very different from the rest. I thought I was pooping on myself. And I was young… right before my 11th birthday… but I remember the doctor telling my mother more than once that it was going to happen soon. Hell, I’ve been wearing a bra since I was 8. I would ask her what he was talking about; she said it wasn’t my business. Once we realized what was going on, then highlights of information came quick. Then… as it is the story of my life… my mother told all her friends. They showed up in the kitchen looking like I had just disappointed them. My brother and uncles no longer wanted me around them. I wasn’t allowed to play games anymore. Daddy was the worst. All of a sudden time with him wasn’t fun, it was all “clean the house” and “fix yourself up” “no one wants to see you like that.”That’s a lot for an 11 year old to digest.

And the “New Rules” were plain and pure stupid.
1. No bathing until it was over. My cycle has always lasted 5 days. Really, I’m not supposed to bathe for 5 days in a row???
2. Stay away from Boys. Because once they know they will be sniffing around. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Boys didn’t sniff around anymore than they did before. And boys are blissfully ignorant.
3. Don’t wash your hair. More of the stinkies. BUT….. This one has some validity. I don’t wash my hair near and during my cycle, though I ALWAYS want to. Because my scalp get dry and itchy like something is crawling on me.
4. No sports, no heels, no fun while on cycle. Just sitting in the house on the bed waiting to change pads while drinking hot tea. Because now that I was a fragile woman my uterus could fall out or something could happen to cause me to lose my fertility. And then what good would I be to anybody?

I’m certain my mother meant well. But this was an undue burden placed on my shoulders. In the house I grew up in, I was the only menstruating person. My mother had a hysterectomy while I was born. Plus my mother wasn’t raised in the most generous of times and my grandmother wasn’t cuddly... So I know she thought she was being helpful. she probably gave me more than she ever got. But a lot of the me that I am, is because I just couldn’t accept what she told me. And this was no different.

But what I really wanted to build on is PMS. Three letters that strikes fear in men’s hearts. Let me tell you this…. I Gives not one Fuck about how other folks feel about PMS when I’m having it, before and after. Not one.

I see PMS as a scheduled moment to release whatever needs to come out. Women’s lives aren’t as easy as men seem to think they are. I can’t think of one thing other than screwing, that men do that women don’t. Seriously. But when women let out all the negative vibrations that they have collected all month, that’s a problem? Really? For whom? I bear witness that when I am in the throes of my hormones I feel fine about whatever I’m doing. Crying is cathartic as is cursing someone out. Screaming, ranting, raving, eating…. All that is wonderful! Food tastes and sleep feels so good when I’m pre-menstrual… I love it. And when it’s over… I feel clean, glistening and brand new.

You know when I didn’t feel good? Those brief months I was on the pill. And why was I on it? So that I could have unlimited sex with a man while he met no responsibility for it. Men don’t pay for pills, they don’t have to remember to take them, and they don’t have to deal with the side effects. And all prescription medications have side effects. My boobs grew to this size they are now making it impossible to find a bra in a regular store. I gained weight that I have never been able to lose. And they made me feel sick all the time. Yeah, real sexy.

I stopped that foolishness. You wanna be with me? You need to accept the FULL package. They only time I restrain myself is at work because I NEED the money… in court or with cops, because I’m too cute to go to jail. But no where else.

Some interesting things I find with regard to PMS and cycles… not everyone will have the luxurious 1-3 day cycle. I have been a vegetarian well over a decade (almost 2) and I have never been able to reduce the days I bleed to less that 5 days. And I have been cycling over 30 years. Sometimes I can get it down to a few days when I fast long term or if I change something but it works it’s way back to 5 days… always. And there is nothing wrong with having longer cycles. It is what it is. And the heaviness of a cycle is also something determined by genetics. You get what you get. And don’t let anyone sway you into feeling some kind of way because indigenous women have hours and drops. You live in a developed civilization, not the jungle. You are well fed and will live to see your great grandchildren. You don’t need to hide from some mountain lion. So your cycles will be different. It reflects your blessings.

I get a tunnel vision fixation on something most months. Seriously. I realize that that whatever I’m chomping on the bit about is something that is actually super important to me and needs to be addressed or it will fester from month to month. (This month is was my eyebrows and a house) Also, I become intensely creative; but with a bit of ADHD thrown in for flavor. Conversely, around day 3 of my cycle, I get EXTRAORDINARILY clear headed. It’s like some supernatural, prophetic shit. It’s like getting the perfect prescription of glasses with that ambervision coating. During this clarity I go through the previous month and make my considerations for the future. You want me to solve all your problems? Catch me day 3-10. Unfortunately it only lasts a week.

I shower. And the last 2 days + 1 day after I sit my behind in bathwater. I don’t know about any other woman, but I don’t bleed when I’m taking a bath. and the warmth of the water is soothing. Vaginas are self cleaning as they imbibe water and then push it back out. No need to douche. This is why you need to be careful about who around and where you immerse yourself in fluids. I refuse hot tubs and nasty pools. And the most important take away is to take the time to be selfish and care for your own self.

I unapologetically eat chocolate and sugary foods and chips and Coca Cola. If I feel a cramp I put food on it and it’s over. For all the hippies… raspberry leaf tea and Mg supplements are the truth! The tea works best if you drink it daily, but it still works, though slightly less effective, if you start drinking it a week before. Same with the supplements. But then you’d have to be paying attention so you know when you are scheduled to start. there's an app for that. I have an unholy relationship with my heating pad. His name is Phil. Because he fills me with such peace. It’s like a warm hug right around my midsection. Maybe I should give him a righteous name?

I exercise; but not excessively. During this time I get allodynia… you like that don’t you?… it means I have an exaggerated pain response. Things that shouldn’t hurt, hurt. But on the flip, some movement makes the cramps go away. So I walk, or do yoga. There are some excellent youtubes for period yoga that are also good for running. Go figure? I don’t run on my cycle. When it’s approaching, my runs are shit and I have to use a compression garment because I can feel my uterus twerking in my pelvis while running. Uteri swell during this time in case you didn’t know. I am very in tune with my body.

When I take care of myself, I have less pain, less cramps, less bleeding. If you can’t be good to yourself… you won’t be any good to anyone else. And beat the shit out of anyone with a lead pipe or golf club who says otherwise. (or maybe dream it) I promise you will feel better. Allow yourself to be and feel. You are entitled.


Peace